Saturday, December 17, 2011


Well, tomorrow is my birthday. It doesn't seem like it's been a year since the last one, and I think that means I'm getting old. Further evidence of this is that I had to do math (hahaha, me doing MATH; it's like a farce or something) to calculate what age I'll be at 11:12A on 12/19. I can remember thinking at 12, "OMG, I'm NEVER going to be 16," and then at 16, thinking, "OMG, I am NEVER going to be 18." Up until I reached 25, I was always looking forwards and yearning for the future.

Now, I'm much more about the present. Living in the now, as trite as that may sound. Maybe I'm more comfortable with my Sagittarius nature? I dunno. Appreciating "the moment" is easy for me now, knowing that it will pass soon enough, be it a happy or sad or frustrating or confusing one. And my ability to thrive during a transitional process - because I'm focusing on the moment at hand - has become a strength of mine. I still can look at the future and I can usually sense where things are headed, but I take it in stride.

Today, Three and I went on a long hike and discussed our current situation. We're financially iffy right now, as are so many people, and we're trying to figure out exactly what we are going to do over the next few months. Our apartment complex shadily raised our rent (it was in the lease but worded and explained in such a way that it appeared we would be paying the same as we did over the last year - lesson learned: ALWAYS double-check what you think you are reading and signing) and we can't afford it. At least, we can't afford it and still be able to pay for things, like, food and gas. Whereas Three is kind of freaking out about it, I'm in proactive, positive mode: looking at alternative options, calling in favors, etc. I'm not worried but I am preparing for the worst, which is moving back in with my parents. Not something I really want to do, since, well, I am a motherfucking adult, but I'll do it if necessary. And I'll try to be happy about it. After all, at least I have options, right?

I'm trying to center everything on making getting everything ready for transition. I've done this; my life has imploded much worse before (hello, $50,000 medical bill) and I got through it. And now, I have an actual partner, so I'm not doing it alone - makes this whole thing much easier.

And so by NEXT year, we'll be in a better space. I don't know exactly where I'll be or what job I'll have or, really, anything, but I do know that I'll be loved and happy. And that's what counts.
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