Thursday, May 24, 2012

I have an addictive personality.

It's why I don't gamble. You know that episode of Archer, where he goes to a casino and starts betting for the first time? Yeah, that would be me. I enjoy something and just want to keep on doing it, until the world is destroyed or I have no money left. Or possibly both.

I'm also frequently attacked by flights of fancy. Once I put my mind to something that I arbitrarily want to do, nothing can stop me, save a giant tsunami or something, but I'm pretty sure that would just piss me off and harden my resolve. Take my current obsession: fairy gardens. I'm not even kidding. I want one. I want to make one and invite tiny little sprites to come live in the tiny little mushroom homes that I've put in the damned thing. There are apparently TONS of websites dedicated to this. Again, I'm not even kidding.

Pinterest page for fairy gardens
The Fairy's Garden
Fairy Gardening

And that's only the first three that come up under a Google search. I guess it's like porn: there's a page somewhere for everything.

Back when I was unemployed, in between submitting applications and trying, in vain, to get an interview ANYWHERE, I was watching one of the old episodes of Sesame Street with the Twiddlebugs. Don't remember the Twiddlebugs??

Here you go:

Basically, a nuclear family consisting of Papa, Momma, and two kids, except they are Twiddlebugs and they live in Ernie's windowbox garden in a milk carton. They are kind of dumb, as they can't figure out how to hang a photo (or stamp, since they are small) or how to get to the zoo (they offer that swimming there might work, but hey, their brains are not so big, so ...), but they are darned cute. As I was sitting there, contemplating on whether or not I would want these things to be teaching my future children lessons on common sense, it hit me: I was going to make a Twiddlebug house. My mom was understandably perplexed at this, since I was at the time 26 (and also probably going insane), but she humored me. I emptied out a Celestial Seasonings teabag box and set about making a little house. I even painted the walls and cut out cardboard furniture, little rugs, etc. It took me days but, at the end of my project, it was the cutest little Twiddlebug house that ever did Twiddlebug. I think my mom threw it away a few months later, although it isn't until now that I suddenly want the stupid thing.

But see, this is my life. I suddenly get a hankering that is simultaneously random and calculated. I buy books that I fully intend to read but end up either stopping in the middle and moving onto another one or I never start in the first place. I make plans to plant my own little herb garden, and I have all the supplies but don't actually find the time to put the seeds in the soil. The passion for whatever currently has my attention slowly dies and I go onto the next thing. It's why I'm kind of surprised I've been at my job for almost three years. Not that I haven't threatened to quit on numerous occasions, because I have. The declarations have steadily increased to a daily occurrence, as of late, though.

I'm just addicted to the rush of something new, I suppose. But then there are the comfort addictions. I've struggled with smoking since I was 19 years old. It's not a good habit. It stinks and really isn't all that fun to begin with. I quit cold turkey last June, right before Three and I went on a week-long trip to camp in Colorado, but with all the stress of bankruptcy and moving and my stupid job, I have relapsed on several occasions. I obsessively play certain video games over and over again. I'm currently on a Mass Effect binge and am having dreams about that universe. It's weird.

The thing is, I don't think this will change. I mean, it's how I operate. I'm rarely bored, which pleases my Gemini moon, and my life is never dull. Just ask my supervisor, who thinks I should write a book based on my life from the past few years. Shit just HAPPENS around me. For the longest time, I couldn't figure it out and actually tried to make my life more boring - just in case you're wondering, it didn't work. I've just come to accept that part of my life will involve having crazy things happen because my brain is wired slightly differently than everyone else's.

I am, for the most part, okay with this.
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