Wednesday, August 8, 2012

In which I say, "Meh."

So apparently, my 10 year reunion is coming up at the end of September. It was going to be at the beginning of October, but the Powers That Be (aka Alumni Association) moved Homecoming up a week or two. Yay?

I mean, to be completely honest, high school wasn't that bad for me. I was pretty much the same personality-wise as I am now, minus a few things: incredibly snarky, loved history and English, into weird movies and got my hair cut anime style.* Nowadays, I wear a more tame haircut, although I do plan on dying my hair purple. Or possibly Gillian-Anderson-red. I haven't made up my mind yet. I wasn't as comfortable with myself as I am now, but I think that shit comes with age. And eventually getting sick of trying to please people. Anyway, I didn't have a huge group of friends, which kind of bothered me at the time, because let's face it: I was still a fucking teenager. (Sometimes, that side of me still pops up and is like, "You loser, you don't have plans with a gazillion people this weekend. You're just going to sit and internet the whole time, aren't you?" I'll toy with the idea of trying to get together with some people, but that desire usually fizzles out after I realize, "Wait, I don't actually care. And also, LAUNDRY.") As far as I knew, I was liked by most people. I had dates for proms**. I was involved with extracurricular activities. You know, normal high school shit.

Then I went to college and did what a lot of college kids do: stop talking to high school people that you didn't really care about too much in the first place. And I'm not saying that in an edgy, bitchy way, either. I just realized that it didn't really matter to me what those people thought of me: 1) I didn't see them, anymore, and 2) I had much more important things to worry about***. Then, as the years went on, I just sort of forgot about them. Sure, I'm "friends" with some of them on Facebook, mainly out of a weird sense of obligation that doesn't really apply to any other aspect of my life (damn you, Facebook). But that's about it.

I don't know. I'm kind of ambivalent on going. I don't want to go, not for any silly, hipster reason that I might have used back in 2002. But because, well, I don't want to? Plus, I see the people, er, one person with whom I went to high school that I want to see on a fairly regular basis and that's enough for me. The last time I went to a homecoming game was ... I honestly can't remember. It must have been within the past four years, though, and prior to meeting Three, because I was single and I purposefully brought Zola with me so I wouldn't be allowed in the stadium****. So I'm thinking 2009. That actually sounds right.

It's not a point of pride that I care diddly-squat for my former high school classmates. I look at some of the interactions on Facebook with people that are still in constant contact, having meetups and assigning each other as godparents to children. Part of me is jealous of their closeness, but then I remember, shit, that's a lot of work. I have a hard enough time handling my clients, and I have to deal with them, at worst, three or four times a year (ALTHOUGH NOT MUCH LONGER YAY!!). And while it's not something I boast about, I don't sit around wondering about it, either, although this post is begging to differ with me.

I don't know why it bothers me that I don't care and won't be going. Probably, I should say. I like to leave myself lots of options. I guess I feel like I should care and then feel bad that I don't and then get to wondering why I care that I don't care and then I just want Greek yogurt to take the pain away.

Sigh. I have problems.

Meh.

* A guy told me once that, as I was getting older, my hair got looking more and more like an anime character. I took it as a compliment. My mom hated it, which made it all the more appealing.

** Although senior prom? Sucked big, sweaty, hairy donkey balls. But that's for another post.

*** Like trying to explain to your parents that your F in aerobic dance was because you, you know, just didn't go? That was fun.

**** Yes, my high school has a 2-point-something million dollar stadium. Go us.
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