Thursday, September 27, 2012

Two years ago seems like such a long time ago.

So when my Mac, Pfiona, died a few months back, I was aghast at how much of my writing I'd lost. We're talking at least 10 fully-written short stories (some in dire need of serious editing, of course, but DONE) and God knows how many outlines and character sketches, and ugh. Disheartening, to say the least. I remember some of what I wrote, but there were some lines that I remembered absolutely loving, but I can't seem to recreate them.
This gif needs to be used as often as possible. 
Then I got this brilliant idea: Ye Olde Blogge!! I still have access to the old gmail I formerly used, so after much gnashing of teeth (seriously, Google, sometimes you piss me off), I was able to pull up the blog where a lot of my old previews of The Legion were posted. I nearly started crying, I was so happy. But then it got me interested in my old personal blog, because hey, nostalgia, and I was actually kind of amazed.

My last post was from May 2010, and dear GOD that was two years ago. TWO. YEARS. It seems like such a long time ago, even though in the grand scheme of things, it might as well be yesterday. It's not just the how different the world is politically, economically, etc., either. I am nearly an entirely different person: I'm no longer at DHS (YUSSS), I am working full-time as a writer instead of unemployed bored person, I've gone through bankruptcy, and I use way more gifs. And I'm a better writer than I was, which is encouraging.
Proof that I use more gifs. 
This is not to say that I cringe when I read what I wrote back then. It's not like it's my junior high diary, which, in case you are wondering, is hilarious. It's still well thought out and most posts come full circle (usually), and several of them are pretty amusing. Or at least, I think they are. Some are heart wrenching, knowing that I'll come to hate my job even more than I did back in 2010. But it still reads as if it's a different person, someone not quite as self-aware or not quite as jaded or creative. I remember those feelings, yes, but it's almost like it was vicarious, like I read about it on some teenager's Tumblr.

Is this what it feels like to get older? Where you don't even really recognize your past self, even after only a few years? I'm no Ancient, by any means, but I do remember a time when 30 was, like, forever away. Now, it's less than two years in my future. And how will this post look in two years? Five? Ten? Ha, I have a hard enough time mapping out the very next day, so this concept is kind of alien to me.

I guess the moral of this story is keep records of yourself, if only for yourself.* Not only will it help you rewrite things you deemed lost, it may send you on a strange journey into your near past and may actually realize how happy you really are or aren't. All I can say is that the last few hours have not been wasted; I was just getting reacquainted with myself. And I must say: not too shabby, Juj.
I don't even know. I just wanted to use this today.
* Unless you're Angelina Jolie from a few years ago, who said she doesn't even keep pictures of herself in her house. She may have changed her tune since then; I don't know.  We don't really keep up with each other's lives.
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