Thursday, January 31, 2013


Okay, so you know how you get this awesome idea for a blog post and you spend days thinking of all the witty things and oh-so-hiLARious gifs you'll use and then when you actually start to write it you're like, "Oh, well, this is actually kinda dumb?" or "This direction is not where I was headed."

So what do you do then? I mean, I spent hours upon hours researching the etymology of various swear words* (what? I love swear words, much to my mother's everlasting chagrin**), and all I could say for it was this really boring post about the word "motherfucker." And that saddens me a bit, because it's such a grand word.

It packs a glorious punch. 
As I wrote it, I was actually proud of my work, too. It was kind of like I was in college again and scrambling to finish a paper at the last minute, complete with footnotes and links and references. I broke out my woefully underused copy of the OED (yes, I'm a nerd) and perused through more words than I have since I was six and decided I'd like to read the dictionary. I even got to tell a funny story!
When I was working at one of the smaller county DHS offices, there was a drunk woman who threw a rock through the front desk window and was arrested a few minutes later. I was giving my account to the police officer and the lady called me a "cuntwitch," or possibly "cuntwich," depending on whether she meant I was some type of sorceress with my vagina or a collection of vaginas between two slices of bread. Either way, it amused me, and the word plus the story became favorites.
And it was a loooooong post, too, partly because of all the definitions of words like "profane." And I actually did a bibliography, although hahahaha, I had to look on the internet to figure out formatting because, are you kidding, it's been six years since my last attempt at this. I'm telling you, it was my final dissertation in a PhD in Cursing.

Then I read it. And my face looked like this:
Damn, now I want pie. 
So I scrapped it and you have this post. And I promise that I'll write something better soon. I just wanted to tell my "cuntwich/witch" story with some context.

OH, AND BE PREPARED: I'm going to be premiering my web comic here in a bit. BE. EXCITED.

* According to linguists, fuck as a swear word in regards to sexual intercourse has been in our vocabulary since (or possibly slightly earlier) the 1500s. But in the 1960s, somebody got this grand idea to try and convince people it was an acronym for either "fornication under consent of the king" or "for unlawful carnal knowledge." pretty much sums it up here, along with informing me that my definition of fornication has been wrong this whole time.
** We have a discussion that goes somewhat like this almost once a month:
 Mom: Hi, I read your blog.
 Me: Oh? What did you think?
 Mom: You curse too much.
 Me: No, I fucking don't.

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