I'm kind of a balls to the wall kinda gal. Minus the actual balls, of course. This doesn't necessarily apply to all of my activities, just things that I actually want to do. Growing up, my parents learned fairly quickly that if I didn't want to do something, by GOD, it would take an act of said God to actually get me to do it. I'd procrastinate, complain, or just downright refuse to take any action, and if finally forced by threat of punishment to carry out the task, I'd make sure that everyone knew how absolutely miserable about it I was. But if I wanted to do something, I think even God would have a hard time stopping me. Unless, you know, apocalypse or something.
And this is sort of how my life is running right now. I've wanted to be a writer since even before my childhood fixation with becoming a paleontologist*, and since I've been graciously given the opportunity to do so, I am grabbing it by the horns and making it my bitch. Well, attempting to do so, since writing is a very difficult field to get started in, especially in the age of the internet where anyone can be an author. It was kind of a slow start, sadly. I quit DHS in August and didn't self-publish my first novelette (ebook only right now, but soon, I will have the proof and then it will be available for purchase in print and ZOMG) until January, and the end of January, at that. Part of it was fear, distrusting my own artistic voice, having so much to do because I'm essentially creating a brand all by my onesies. It was overwhelming at the time. Hell, it still is. I'm a one-woman show, creating all of the stories, artwork, website design (with a lot of help from Wordpress, thank Jesus), etc, plus running a Facebook author page, trying to make sure that my Twitter is kept up-to-date but not completely focused on the stories, and ... phew. I mean, just writing it down here has me widening my eyes a bit. I never worked this hard at DHS, and I worked my ass off there.
Just to add further shit for me to do, I'm also working on that web comic series I have been mentioned at least once here. Since I don't want to actually do any work on the art until I get my Wacom tablet (just the Bamboo Splash, which is only $79 plus tax), I've been forced to put it on the creative back burner for the most part, but it's in what movie people call pre-production. I've got a list of characters, setting, etc. Now all I need is the money. Sigh. Always the fucking money. Actually, it's probably for the best so I can focus 100% on "The Legion" and getting enough of that out there before starting a new project, but I'm still kind of whiny about the whole thing.
So instead, I went another way with finding ways to keep myself occupied! I've accepted a trial-basis staff writing position for the website, Feminspire**, submitting two articles a week. It's an unpaid gig, but I'm not complaining. It's an awesome opportunity to actually use my degree, and the staff that I have talked to are wonderfully enthusiastic about the site. I have a series of pieces planned, four other ideas formulating, and one stand-alone article is in the first draft stage. I work best when under pressure, oddly, and I truthfully miss meeting deadlines, that thrill of "Oh, shit, this has to be ready for print and it just happened five seconds ago, oh, shitshitshitshit." It's exhilarating, and I did a happy dance when I got the email offering me the position.
All of this, of course, has been further complicated by the fact that we have to move out of our shitty apartment in the next two days. I've been prepping myself for the move since the middle of last month, right around the time our asshole landlord essentially stole our car, but there's only so much you can do prior to a move. I was trying to balance my own self-employment schedule with packing, making phone calls to update our address, etc., and sometimes, the moving part of things had to take a backseat to my job. So we've kind of been on this strange, hyperactive limbo that has tested my ability to multitask. Yesterday, for the first time in about two months, I sat down after packing nearly half of our apartment by myself***, looked at my life, and laughed at how incredibly batshit insane it is right now.
Other than the moving aspect, I'm actually pretty okay with it. As long as I have a day or so a month to myself, where all I do is sleep and play video games, I'm set. Hectic life is where I thrive. Even when I was working at DHS, I would be one of the only ones who could adjust quickly to the constant (and most of the time, fucking stupid) changes and get my work done on time, usually with enough to spare so I could help everyone else out. It's when I don't have a million things going on that I get close to freaking out.
But still, that doesn't mean this week isn't going to suck. It totally is. I'm going to be just on the other side of spastic. It'll settle eventually into a controlled sort of chaos, although I'll probably figure out a way to get it a bit more crazy. I wouldn't have it any other way.
* To be honest, paleontology was the only thing that actually rivaled my love of writing. I was such a little nerd, too, digging up dinosaur "bones" in our backyard. And by dinosaur "bones," I mean sticks that looked like bones, rocks, discarded plastic cutlery. This is also another reason that I'd love to have kids; it will give me an excuse to get back into the dirty world of fake excavation.
** This is not just because I'll be contributing here, but seriously, you should check the site out. They have some really awesome articles on pretty much any topic out there.
*** This isn't Three's fault. His boss recently was all, "Oh, we're stupid and are behind so twelve-hour shifts for seven days a week for everyone! Except us! Hugsies!" So when he gets home, he's about damn near exhausted.