Friday, October 25, 2013

Life with Pets: Sneak Attack - A One-Act Play

As the early Saturday morning sunlight beams through the edges of the blanket that hangs over the window close to the bed, JUJU sits up and yawns, stretching contentedly. THREE groans and pulls their comforter over his head, grumpy at both the early hour and the fact that he'd have to fully wake himself for another twelve-hour shift at his job. ZOLA, lying blissfully unaware at the end of the bed, pops her head up and begins to pant happily.

ZOLA: Mommy! It is food time!
JUJU: Come on, Zozo-bean. You hungry?

Hungry is one of the only words the Zola knows definitively, and she jumps off the bed in excitement, causing Three to groan again. BINA, sitting on Three's chest, perks up, as she is also attuned to this morning routine.

BINA: I am hungry?

Juju gets up out of bed, amused at these two animals, when a small white paw darts out from underneath the bed and attacks her ankles. 

JUJU: (angrily) Bitsy! Ow! That is not okay!
BITSY: (still underneath the bed) I AM A TIGER. 
JUJU: Ugh. 

BITSY pokes her head out from underneath the bed to investigate the goings-on. 

BITSY: Where is Tyrannical Not-Friend? I will not attempt to leave my spot unless I know it is safe. 

KITKAT sits atop the banister surrounding the steps leading downstairs, licking her paw. She rules her domain with an iron fist, unless Three or Juju remind her that she is simply a feline that is significantly smaller than they are. Although Bina does not seem to recognize her reign as anything more than, "Whatever, I'm going to boop your head, Kitkat," both Bitsy and Zola tread lightly around her. Kitkat notices Juju arising and meows in greeting.

KITKAT: I assume you will feed me now. My bowl is only half full, and this is not acceptable. 
JUJU: Come on, Kitkat. 

Juju makes her way down the stairs, with Kitkat and Zola following behind. Zola, of course, defers to Kitkat's path and allows her to descend first. Between the slats in the banister, Bina reaches out her paw to swipe at Juju's head as she walks by. 

BINA: I got you! I am hungry? 
BITSY: (from behind Bina) Is Tyrannical Not-Friend gone?
JUJU: Come on, you two!

Bina dutifully follows Juju's instructions, but Bitsy remains upstairs, warily awaiting another attack from Kitkat. 

In the kitchen, Bina nearly causes Juju to trip, an act that Zola completes by being (as always) in the way. From the living room, Bitsy peeks around the corner to survey the scene, as it has been nearly four hours since she was last assaulted by a dominating Kitkat. Bina plaintively mews as Juju scoops cat food into her bowl, and Kitkat merely glares. 

BINA: I am hungry? Hurry?
JUJU: Give me a second!
ZOLA: Food time yay!
JUJU: Zola, go sit over there!
KITKAT: Peasants. 

Once the food is in place, all of the animals are preoccupied with stuffing their faces, although Bitsy is nowhere to be seen. Juju goes to investigate. From out of nowhere, Bitsy flies at Juju with her arms and legs spreadeagle, launching at Juju's leg with her claws. 


Bitsy tears away into the kitchen with her tail held high and her ears back. However, she stops dead in her tracks when she catches Kitkat staring at her from atop the fridge. Her eyes widen, and she bolts at the Kitkat's instantaneous pursuit. 


Seemingly satisfied with herself, Kitkat returns to the kitchen to finish her breakfast, but as she passes Bina, Bina taps her head in punishment. 

BINA: That was not necessary.
KITKAT: I'm a cat. Nothing ever is.
BINA: True. Carry on.

It is now close to Three's wake up time, as it takes him nearly forty-five minutes to fully awaken from slumber, so Juju creeps upstairs, trying to keep the stairs from creaking with every step. Bitsy, who has taken refuge on top of the banister, eyes her curiously, as Juju crawls on her hands and knees across the floor toward the bed. Three is snoring again, and Juju peeks over the edge of the bed and sing-songily whispers to him.

JUJU: Oh, hoooooooneyyyyyyyy ...
THREE: mumblegrumble

Juju launches into the air.


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