Friday, June 27, 2014

Life with Pets: Godzilla Kitty - A One-Act Play

Early in the morning in New Apartment, THREE arises to get ready for work. He kisses JUJU lightly on her nose and pulls the covers over her, and still mostly asleep, she grumbles at him. KITKAT chooses to continue to sleep, cuddled next to Juju, but BINA and ZOLA dutifully follow him out of the bedroom, eagerly awaiting noms. BITSY is already in the kitchen, on top of the counter.

BITSY: Daddy!! I am hungry! And also bored! Look at all the stuff I knocked down throughout the night!
THREE: Good morning, Tiny.
BINA: Hungry?
ZOLA: Daddy! Food! I would like food!
THREE: Give me a second, guys. I'm not completely awake yet.

Bina and Zola pout, but Bitsy decides to take a more proactive approach. Her bowl, which sits on the counter, has "somehow" been moved close to the edge, so she saunters over to it and bats it hard enough so it clatters to the floor, the bits of food remaining in it landing everywhere. 

THREE: Really?
BITSY: Feed me.

Disgruntled, Three makes his way to the cat food container, nearly tripping over Zola. He glares down at her, and she gives him the old puppy dog eye treatment.

ZOLA: Hi, oh, sorry! Uh, I am hungry, too?
THREE: Let me take care of the cats so Bitsy won't knock more stuff over.
ZOLA: I wish I could do that.

He takes a step and his foot, a rather tender thing, lands directly on something hard and plastic. 

THREE: OW!! SHIT!

He looks down and sees an amazingly intact plastic fork. One of the tines had stuck directly into his sole and left a lovely little red mark.

THREE: Bitsy!
BITSY: What? I thought it looked better there.

He then looks around the apartment. Bitsy managed to push nearly everything that was not furniture onto the floor: the Mass Effect 3 case, the remote for the TV, the Xbox controller, two candles, the plastic container of change that was sitting on top of the bookshelf, one of Juju's earrings, several books that, the last time he saw them, were snugly placed on the shelf, two blankets, the dog leash that was hanging on the wall, a decorative bowl, a water bottle that he thinks was in the fridge?? ... He has to stop looking or else he is going to get even more pissed.

THREE: What are you? Godzilla??
BITSY: What's a Godzilla? Is it a fierce hunter?

She leaps onto his shoulder and bops his head.

BITSY: I am a fierce hunter. Feed me.

Three growls and lets her jump off of him back onto the counter, which - of course - is littered with half-eaten bits of cat food.

THREE: What the hell? You could fill a bowl with all of this!
BITSY: They didn't pass inspection. Or it's possible that I forgot about them.
BINA: Food? Pleeeeeeease?? I haven't eaten ever. In my life.
ZOLA: I AM LITERALLY DYING.
THREE: Well, at least Kitkat is content right now.
KITKAT: (offstage) I wouldn't be so sure.

Kitkat ambles into the kitchen, performing a full body shake, and sits patiently on the kitchen floor, looking at her bowl.

KITKAT: I will wait.
BITSY: (hissing) You are supposed to be asleep.
KITKAT: I'm ignoring you. For now.

Juju, still in her underwear and a large T-shirt that was once her father's from college, stumbles into the hallway on her way to the bathroom. She surveys the scene through her sleep haze and stretches. 

JUJU: Bitsy?
THREE: Bitsy.
JUJU: This is why we own nothing that is glass.

The End.
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