Friday, September 26, 2014

Life with Pets: Meditation - A One-Act Play

In an attempt to further her spiritual practice, JUJU sits crossed-legged on the floor with the intent to meditate, something she usually does in the dead of night because of a set of certain four creatures she calls her own. Today, though, she has decided to see if she can concentrate through the inevitable activities that will ensue. ZOLA, the bulldog, is snoring on the couch; BITSY and BINA have fallen asleep on the window sill; and KITKAT has just utilized the litter box, happily scratching away at the sides of the contraption. Juju starts her meditation playlist on Spotify and takes a deep breath.

JUJU: Alright, meditation time. (lays her hands on her knees and closes her eyes)


She lays her hands on her knees and closes her eyes, soothed by the sounds of Tibetan bowls. Kitkat regards Juju with confusion and curiosity but only passes by her a few times before deciding that this is boring and not worthy of her attention. However, a few minutes later, she reconsiders her choice and climbs into Juju's lap, headbutting her human as she settles into a comfortable position.

JUJU: Kitkat, please no. I am trying to meditate.
KITKAT: Me in your lap is more important than whatever "meditate" is.
JUJU: Fine, just don't move.
KITKAT: I will make no such promise.

After hearing Juju talk to Kitkat, Zola is woken from her slumber and notices that her human is on the ground: her level! 

ZOLA: (flopping off the couch) Easy access kisses!
JUJU: No, Zola, stay up on the couch. I'll play with you after I meditate.
KITKAT: You keep saying this word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
JUJU: Shut it, cat.
ZOLA: But she gets to sit in your lap!
JUJU: Fine, you can lay down right there, but don't move. Don't even breathe.
ZOLA: What is breathe?

Zola sets her giant head on Juju's knee and gives her hand a sloppy kiss, and Juju grimaces as she wipes it on her pants. By this time, Bina has opened her eyes to witness attention being given and wishes to be a part of it. Miraculously, she does not disturb Bitsy, who remains blissfully unaware of any goings on, as she lands with a thud. She approaches Juju daintily and nudges her hand with her nose.

JUJU: (sigh) You, too? I swear, you guys are keeping me from God.
BINA: Pets? Hungry? Thirsty? Belly rubs?
KITKAT: (slight growl) You can't have my spot.
ZOLA: Hey, your hand is touching Bina! Why can't I get pets?
JUJU: GUYS.

Not only do the three already awake animals look at Juju, Bitsy opens her eyes hazily and yawns.

BITSY: If Tyrannical Not-Friend is involved, I'm staying up here.
JUJU: GOOD. DO THAT. The last thing I need is your little talons in my shoulder.
BITSY: You are my Kitty Ferry.

Juju rolls her eyes and lifts herself off the ground, moving her venture into the bathroom. Disgruntled, Kitkat looks at Bitsy and weighs the consequences of attacking her.

JUJU: Don't even think about it, Kitkat. She hasn't done anything remotely warranting an assault today.
KITKAT: She exists, doesn't she?
JUJU: DON'T.

Juju exists the stage and closes the bathroom door behind her. Zola sighs and plops down onto the tile in the kitchen, and Bitsy curls up in a tight little ball, hoping to shrink from all sight since her protector is not within her sight. Confused as to why Juju has left, Bina scratches at the door, and Kitkat claws at the carpet in front of the door. Juju whips the door open and pokes her head back on stage.

JUJU: Stop with that. Just stop it. This will take me five fucking minutes. FIVE. MINUTES. Even for creatures who don't understand time, it's not that long a period. You have gone a whole eight hours without seeing me. Why is this any different??
KITKAT: But you're in there. And I know it. And there is a barrier between me and what I want. Which is ... I guess to have access to you?
BINA: I dunno?
BITSY: LET ME IN THERE WITH YOU. I AM SCARED.
ZOLA: I haven't done anything. I am being a good dog, waiting for you patiently out here.
JUJU: Five. Minutes.

Juju again closes the door, a little more forcefully this time. 

KITKAT: Do any of you know what these "minute" things are?
BINA: I dunno?
BITSY: Nope. Not a clue.
ZOLA: I think it means she's dead. Until she comes back.
ALL CATS: You are weird.

After what seems like an eternity, Juju finally opens the bathroom door and returns into the living area, stopping dead in her tracks to all four animals staring at her: Bina and Kitkat are sitting next to each other, looking up expectantly; Zola is a bit behind them, her ears in the alert position; and Bitsy is on top of the kitchen counter, meowing loudly.

ALL ANIMALS: Pay attention to us.

The End. 
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