Thursday, October 16, 2014

Dear Sister Person Book Club: Touched by an Alien by Gini Koch

Dear Sister Person,

What have I ever done to you? Is it because I chose Beth Ciotta twice? Is it because I once refused to go back into Bruegger's Bagels to retrieve your retainer from the trash (because you couldn't do it yourself, for some reason)? Is it because I "ruined" your childhood by telling you Santa Claus wasn't real? I mean, absolutely none of those - combined even - warrants forcing me to read about Katherine "Kitty" Katt and her misadventures with winged "superbeings."
Touched by an Alien by Gina Koch
Via My Not So Vacant Shelf
Also, it does not bode well for this book if the dude on the cover looks like the least favorite of my exes.
I will say that Kitty certainly takes things in stride, even as the effects of alien parasites are described to her. Her reactions are not even close to what mine would be, but then again, Gini Koch is an awful, awful writer who apparently has never met another human in her life. Had I stabbed a rampaging lunatic with a jellyfish-thing attached to his back, fainted, found myself in a car with three unknown dudes, brought to a spartan warehouse, and shown a box with a dead humanoid creature, I would not have been so calm, commenting that, yes, I "had guessed the interior temperatures [of the warehouse] correctly."

To be honest, I stopped right at the end of the third chapter. I just couldn't go any further. The writing is atrocious, the dialogue is clunky and downright insulting to the intelligence of a box of crayons, and I hate everyone, especially Kitty's love-interest-to-be, Martini. Which ... Mar-fucking-tini? Not only is his name dumb, but he essentially claims her as his own from the get-go. Kitty is only slightly better, but she constantly asserts - in her head, of course - her adherence to feminism by name-dropped Gloria Steinem. Normally, I'd feel pretty shitty for quitting after such a short time, but this is a book I feel the author should be paying me to read. And I'm talking about for each word.

Dammit, I have already wasted too many of my own words ranting against this "book," so now I'm going to go in search of some brain bleach.

Please don't ever do this again,

Juju aka Sissybug
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