Friday, January 30, 2015

Life with Pets: Bitsy Adopts Juju

It is Easter weekend in Small Town, TN, and JUJU is awake at 6A, typing on her computer. Out of the corner of her eye (offstage), she sees a scurry of various cats and stands up to get a better view. 

JUJU: Oh, my God! Tomcats are attacking a kitten!!

Juju's house is surrounded by several groups of what she calls "professional strays," and most have an almost feral approach to life, invading trash cans and strictly adhering to territories. She has never seen this white kitten before, so it is probably a recent addition to the droves of stray cats in the area, but she doesn't want to witness it being ripped to shreds by much more experienced felines. Juju runs to the front door and swings it open.

JUJU: Hey, you! Quit that!
TOMCATS: Oh, shit, that's a big mommy kitty. FLEE!
BITSY: Eeep! So many things are happening!

BITSY crouches down and looks warily at Juju, but when Juju kneels to be at the kitten's level, she runs to her. 

JUJU: You are quite possibly the cutest thing ever. Are you lost?
BITSY: Um, no? The people next door threw me out. I've never been outside before, and other cats are MEAN!
JUJU: They can be. Have you met Zeus?
BITSY: ... What's a Zeus?
JUJU: He's an orange and white cat, usually hangs around my house.
BITSY: Oh. Well, then, no. Will you hold me?
JUJU: Oh, God. I already have two cats. Please don't let me hold you.
BITSY: Why not?
JUJU: Because if I do, I will fall in love with you, and then I'll have to adopt you.

Bitsy inches closer to Juju and places her paws on Juju's knees. 

BITSY: Please? I is scared.
JUJU: Oh, alright. (aside) Ugh, this is such a mistake.

As soon as Juju picks the kitten up, her decision is made. Bitsy purrs loudly and rubs her head on Juju's chin. 

BITSY: I adopt you.
JUJU: It doesn't really work that way.
BITSY: Yes-huh.

Juju walks into the house, scratching Bitsy's head, only to be met by an ecstatic ZOLA and two very curious cats, BINA and KITKAT.

BINA: What is that?
KITKAT: I will kill it dead.
BITSY: (hissing) Protect me, New Mommy!
JUJU: Oh, God. I think I've made a huge mistake.

Juju puts Bitsy inside the office, where she can be separate from the other cats (and a very excited Zola) and acclimate into her new surroundings. Juju grabs a plastic box and sifts some litter into it, planning to eventually get a second litter box, since now she has three cats. She sits and watches the kitten play with a pencil, when suddenly, her phone starts to ring. Three should be coming home around this time from his third shift job. 

JUJU: Hey, sweetie!
THREE: (on the phone) Good morning! What's shaking?
JUJU: Well, see, there was this kitten outside, and she was being attacked by that big cat. You know the one? The one that is evil and bit Zeus a few weeks back? And then, she let me pick her up, and I could not just leave her outside. It's still cold out there, and she's little, and I don't think she's used to this environment, and -
THREE: Hey, Juju?
JUJU: ... Yeah?
THREE: Do we have another cat?
JUJU: ... Yeah.
BITSY: HI PERSON ON THE PHONE!!! (attacks the pencil)

The End. 
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