Monday, June 29, 2015

Life with Pets: Kitkat Fears the Bitsy

A few days after giving birth to six squeaky kittens, BITSY lies in the middle of the living room floor, taking a moment to herself from the endless mewing of newborns. She's been ever at the ready, poised to lick up poop, steal them back from either Juju or Three, or to nurse them, and dammit, she deserves a break every so often. Her ears perk up when she hears the kittens announce that again they are awake and again they are hungry. 

BITSY: (sighs) It never ends. I hate my life.

As Bitsy makes her way to the closet where her box of kittens awaits, ZOLA pokes her head out from the hallway and lets out a snort. BINA sticks her head out just underneath Zola's and chirps. JUJU walks by the two and looks down in both confusion and amusement. 

JUJU: What are you guys doing?
BINA: SHHHHHHHH?
ZOLA: We are investigating.

Checking his phone, Three obliviously strolls into the kitchen and away from the action. 

JUJU: Where's Kitkat?
BINA: Hiding?
ZOLA: Bitsy kicked her butt earlier.
JUJU: What?
THREE (OFF STAGE): Yeah, I was holding one of the kittens, and Kitkat happened to walk by just as Bitsy was coming to get it. It was not pretty.
JUJU: Bitsy!

Bitsy jumps out of the closet and stands confidently in front of Juju. Zola and Bina duck back into the hallway (off stage), leaving Juju flummoxed. 

BITSY: What.
JUJU: Did you attack Kitkat?
BITSY: Yes.
JUJU: Why?
BITSY: She was trying to eat my baby!
THREE (OFF STAGE): I was holding it while I was standing up! Unless Kitkat suddenly grows gravity boots on her paws, there's no way she could have gotten to your kitten.
BITSY: She is vicious!
THREE (OFF STAGE): She wasn't doing anything!
BITSY: You don't speak cat, human!
THREE: (poking his head in from the kitchen) Oh, so I'm "Human" now?
BITSY: Yes.

Three rolls his eyes and returns to the kitchen. The kittens begin to squeak again in the closet, and Bitsy shoots everyone a look, even at the nervous-looking Zola and Bina, who have both resumed their cautious positions mostly hidden in the hallway. 

BITSY: You woke them up again.
BINA: I haven't said anything?
ZOLA: Are they sad? Do they want kisses?

Bitsy returns to the closet to calm her kittens, and Juju takes a seat in one of the lawn chairs in the living room. Zola and Bina remain partially concealed, and KITKAT skulks past them, fear in her eyes. Juju spots her and sighs. 

JUJU: Kitkat, we put a litter box in the bedroom so you wouldn't have to sneak around like this.
KITKAT: SHHHHH! You will awake the demon!
JUJU: (sighs again) Okay, fine. (lowers her voice to a whisper) What's wrong with the other litter box?
KITKAT: It's not the one I like!
BINA: I like both litter boxes?
ZOLA: I like them, too. They have tasty treats.
JUJU: But this one requires that you be stealthy. And you, of all things, are not stealthy or graceful. Which is weird for a cat.
BINA: You fall down when you try to play with the shoe laces?
KITKAT: I AM A KILLING MACHINE, NOT A BALLERINA!

Kitkat immediately regrets raising her voice and lowers herself to the floor just as Bitsy suspiciously sticks her head out of the closet. Within a fraction of a second, she snarls and locks eyes with a terrified Kitkat.

BITSY: TYRANNICAL NOT-FRIEND.
KITKAT: I ... I-I ...
BITSY: (stepping out further) YOU WILL NOT COME NEAR MY BABIES. EVEN IF THEY ARE ANNOYING AND CUT INTO MY SLEEP TIME.
KITKAT: FLEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Kitkat scampers back down the hallway, her tail poofy, and Bitsy huffs and refocuses back on her kittens. Both Zola and Bina are frozen in their places, unsure of what just occurred. It's one thing that Bitsy chased Kitkat away by hissing and swatting at her; it's a whole other story when only a look can send Kitkat running. Juju shakes her head and laughs. 

JUJU: What goes around comes around, Kitkat.

The End.
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